Welp, airport security is going to be fun tomorrow (UPDATED)

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 02/02/2016 at 16:27 • Filed to: None

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I am traveling tomorrow with all this crap, plus the camera that took this photo, because of reasons that are entirely too boring to explain. Hopefully I can avoid getting an ass and rear crotch patdown from the TSA like I got on my flight out here. If that happens again I’ll be like:

UPDATE: I made it through TSA with no questions about all my gadgets, of course, but got a goddamn inner thigh patdown thanks to another porno scanner false positive. I swear, I’m always getting porno scanner false positives lately.

dietryng > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 20:39

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timer, check. wires,check. remote trigger, check. plastique, check.

only thing youre missing is some kinda large bottle of soap or water. might get a sticker says allah akbar.

good fun.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 20:43

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That’s a normal asortment for me too, never had any issues getting through TSA.

TheHondaBro > dietryng 02/01/2016 at 20:45

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Aah yes, the classic cologne and water bomb.

TheHondaBro > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 20:45

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At least you’re not brown.

phenotyp > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 20:47

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Only issue I’ve ever had is Austin— they have no idea what to do with the Surface. I always take it out with the laptop, because the first time it went through the xray with the iPad (LIKE THE TABLET IT IS), they pulled me aside to swab everything for bomb juice or whatever.

As long as you’re not flying from AUS, you’re fine.

Textured Soy Protein > TheHondaBro 02/01/2016 at 20:50

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I am Jewish though. The TSA has Jew-sniffing dogs, you know.

dietryng > TheHondaBro 02/01/2016 at 20:51

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cheap spray tan?

whoarder is tellurium > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 20:52

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I get the same feeling when traveling with a firearm in checked luggage. Every airport is different and handles these items in their own way. It sucks unless I’ve been there before and know the routine.

Textured Soy Protein > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 02/01/2016 at 20:52

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The reason for the patdown had nothing to do with my assortment of crap, but instead because the porno scanner gave a false positive on my ass/crotch.

Usually I try to avoid bringing laptops unless absolutely necessary. But this trip I got stuck with them.

scoob > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 20:57

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That’s pretty normal looking, you should be fine.

We flew with one laptop, one tablet, one pair of headphones, three cameras, four phones, and chargers/batteries for pretty much all of those. They didn’t bother us. No, we’re not white.

slipperysallylikespenguins > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 21:08

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I always get my buns touched due to large cargo pockets on my work pants.

tromoly > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 21:29

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You should only have to pull the laptops out of your bag, not sure on the camera, everything else you can leave in your bag and they won’t bat an eye.

TSA really isn’t that bad, in the ~8 times I’ve gone through this past month I’ve had zero problems with a similar amount of electronic gear.

Sweet Trav > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 21:39

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I took my work laptop, 2 cell phones, A Chromebook, a Go-pro and a digital camera to Mexico on a work trip. I just had to start up both computers.

Tripper > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 21:40

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gotta get that TSA pre check.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 21:43

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Spinal tap?

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 21:58

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Bish please I just flew out of DC with no checked bags and 35 BlackBerry bolds and 35 WiFi hotspots in my duffle. Plus tablet, laptop, countless encrypted drives and memory cards. All they got Tiffy about was the lotion in my toiletries.

Gotta love having to update remote team tech in the field just prior to an almighty snowstorm.

Textured Soy Protein > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 02/01/2016 at 22:12

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Haha just the concept of 35 Blackberry Bolds and 35 wifi hotspots is hilarious to me.

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > Textured Soy Protein 02/01/2016 at 23:54

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Oh my god. The “One laptop per box” rule. I hate it. I only carry a iPad and a laptop but when I’m in line it feels like I’m emptying a Best Buy out of my backpack.

Textured Soy Protein > Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna 02/02/2016 at 00:20

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I brought my MBP (and camera) because I wanted to take some nice pictures of my family who I was visiting for part of this trip. The HP is my new work laptop that was issued to me today for my first day at my new job. I’m training with another region on the line of business that I’m starting up in my region.

If I’m traveling not for business, I usually try to stick with just my tablet, because then I can leave it in my bag through security, and I can watch movies on it the whole time I’m on the plane and not have to put it away like a laptop. I just need to figure out a good way to edit photos on it and then I could ditch the laptop on trips when I’m planning to be taking a bunch of photos.

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2016 at 03:01

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Super cool. It’s my dream to travel for my work. (I’m studying Petroleum Engineering). I picked up an iPad Pro the last time I went home for Winter Break. I don’t know if it’s available on Android but I use this app called Enlight for iOS and then I have a Canon 60D which can transfer photos through Wi-Fi or using an Eye-Fi card. I’ve never been a great photo editor but this has been good enough for me. HAHA.

Jewish Stig > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2016 at 03:21

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do you mean the Bagel and shmir sniffing Beagle?

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2016 at 07:19

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Yeah my company was living in the IT stone ge before I joined. Some pleb “sysadmin” didn’t even team network activity on the servers for fail over, nor did he trunk any of the switches. Smdh

nucciOMG > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2016 at 09:41

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TSA?

stuttgartobsessed > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2016 at 16:40

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One time I kept my passport in my pocket going through the body scan thingy and the TSA guy didn’t like that very much so he did the swab wand deal on my hand in which my passport was. Tested positive for: EXPLOSIVES. That was a fun day...

Azrek > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2016 at 16:49

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I am a frequent traveler...and I’ve come to the conclusion on Domestic flights to forgo a carry-on bag completely. I have my normal clothes and cargo pocket pants. I carry a tablet to read, my phone, wallet and that is it on the plane. I have everything I need in a pocket and nothing I don’t need.

TSA looks at me funny when I am standing in line with nothing, but it allows me to get into a seat fast, get out of a seat fast and when the plane lands I can get up and rush to the front of the line as I am not reaching for any bags.

International flights, I carry a small carry-on with 1 set of clean clothes, toilet paper (trust me), baby wipes, contacts, eye drops, Advil PM, stomach meds like Tums, a notepad, pens and a small towel (Best tool in the galaxy). This is all I had in Africa for 2 weeks before as my luggage was still in Atlanta.

I prefer a checked bag over anything.

450X_FTW > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2016 at 17:28

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Those German shepards can sniff out a hiding bagel pretty well.

-this space for rent- > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2016 at 18:44

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Security usually flags on my big phone charger battery thing, it looks knarly on the X-ray.

Textured Soy Protein > Azrek 02/03/2016 at 08:42

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I bring my tech crap in my backpack, and will either check a larger suitcase or carry on a smaller suitcase depending on the length of trip, how much crap I’ll need, and what the airline I’m on charges for checked bags.

This trip was kinda weird, I flew Southwest out and United back, and I checked a suitcase, which United charged me 25 bucks for the privilege of letting them lose. At least they texted me while I was in the air saying my bag wasn’t going to arrive on my flight so I could skip waiting at the baggage claim and go directly to the service desk.

Tohru > Textured Soy Protein 02/03/2016 at 21:07

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The agent just wanted to touch your motza balls.

Tohru > Azrek 02/03/2016 at 21:09

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I don’t trust them not to lose a checked bag.

Plus last time I flew was with Frontier - you get a free carry-on, but a checked bag is $100.

Azrek > Tohru 02/04/2016 at 11:12

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There is an art to ensure your bag doesn’t get lost. I’ve only lost mine twice. Once was Africa, because...well...Africa. And the other one was with the Army as someone grabbed my green dufflebag as it looked like their green dufflebag. I recovered both bags later.

Get to the Airport at least an hour and change before your flight. This doesn’t mean parking, I mean be standing at the counter with your bag an hour and change before the flight. Check your connecting flights. Ensure you have 45 minutes+ between your connections. Halfhour is not enough with delays. Remember, your bag has to get unloaded and drove in a Golf Cart across the tarmac to your new plane. I will even spend an extra hour or 2 in a layover just to ensure my bags all come with me (and I can drink more).

If it is an international flight, ensure any connecting flights is at least an hour apart. The International terminal in most domestic airports is in a remote location.

I usually travel for Work, so I am also not in a hurry. I am that one guy with a cup of coffee strolling looking at Kisoks. I only rush to get on/off a plane to ensure seats. Once you see an Airport as a race; you are gonna have a miserable time.

Tohru > Azrek 02/04/2016 at 14:35

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The only time I’ve done international travel was 2002. Outbound was MKE - DTW (45 min) - AMS (20 min) - ATH, on KLM. Half of the group of 45 had their bags miss the transfer at DTW and they followed us on the next flight. The airport delivered them to our hotel 12 hours after we landed at ATH.

Azrek > Tohru 02/04/2016 at 14:47

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Yup, sounds about right.

I usually give advice to my friends on their first trips. I’ll look at their first issued tickets and sometimes have them redo it. One friend didn’t ask me and he had to land in London, get his bags, re-check in and then get to his plane (Saved his company $40). He didn’t realize this and he only had 2 hours to get this done in Heathrow, which is the size of a major city. He ensured his next trip that his bags followed him and no re-checking in...such nonsense.

Tohru > Azrek 02/04/2016 at 15:51

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Yeah, I didn’t have any options on this trip because it was planned by the organization, and I was only 17.

The return flight was worse. Was supposed to be Heathrow - Minneapolis - Milwaukee, but some fucker in first class boarded while having heart palpitations, so shortly after takeoff we had to dump the fuel and land in Ireland to get Captain McAsswipe some medical care. Then we were stuck in the plane for FOUR HOURS for refueling before we could take off. So while we were sitting there they turned on one of the in-flight movies. (At this point I’d like to remind you it’s 2002.)

It was the Britney Spears trainwreck “Crossroads”.

There was almost a riot.

Azrek > Tohru 02/04/2016 at 16:11

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Ooo...I have some good ones.

I was in Business Class from Atlanta to Paris. Over the intercom comes, “Anyone a doctor?” A guy had a heartattack over the Atlantic and died a few rows behind me while the flight crew worked on him. They propped him up in his seat and put a blanket over him. He was the first off the plane....on a gurney.

I was flying out of Iraq. They had chartered us a flight out of Kuwait. We were exhausted and worn out. We got airborne and the flight crew started bickering. A very brave woman got on the intercom: “Hi, thanks for serving our country. We have to apologize for this, but the only movie we have aboard is Mama Mia. The musical....” Collective groans....I ordered a beer and hoped Germany came fast.

I flew into Columbus, Ohio. We were downtown looking for lunch when we saw snipers in the trees and dump trucks were blocking streets. Obama was there doing a speech and shut down downtown. We got lunch and left. The next day we got on our flight to Tampa, FL and were told we can’t land at Tampa as Air Force One has the air space closed. I looked at my buddy and he shrugged. We were diverted to Orlando to take on more fuel and come back. Good grief...

Tohru > Azrek 02/05/2016 at 12:45

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Knowing my luck I’d have been sitting next to the guy who died of a heart attack, and he’d be in the aisle seat and I’d have to climb over him to go to the bathroom.

Azrek > Tohru 02/05/2016 at 14:34

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They moved everyone out of that isle and put him against the window. Poor bastard...

It was still super awkward, but not much we could do. I was also stuck watching the terrible remake of Total Recall...man that movie sucked.

Tohru > Azrek 02/05/2016 at 15:04

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Damn, the lengths people go through to get a window seat...